J

For me, spirituality is a journey, not a fixed path. It’s about connection in all senses, connection with people and an appreciation of the bigger picture. When I feel most connected is around a fire, either with a group or on my own; fire dancing with masks, and drumming. I’m not brilliant in groups, having a level of self-consciousness and often being ‘out of synch’. There’s an analytical part of me; a monkey-mind which is hard to shut off, and a mask can be my defence, allowing me to drop my own.

Deity to me is not an outside thing, but an inside thing. For me, artwork is a way to access that, like a meditation state.

I love reading about the esoteric and the occult, and researching different things, though sometimes it’s confusing and I lose sight of things. I do get quite obsessive about some subjects and channel into things big time. The trouble is, I don’t really retain knowledge now!

When I first started out, I tried to give myself a box and find a place to belong. But I found many groups were just about personalities and ego, and I can’t do that. Some groups are petty and condescending. At the end of the day they focus on details that don’t matter. What matters is how you live and how you express it.

I find the Northern aspect interesting, though it’s not ‘my path’ – I don’t feel any particular connection to it. I’m also drawn to Chaos, and other things, and I see valid points in all. They overlap in places. I don’t feel comfortable aligning with a group as I feel I’d have to agree with every point. In some ways picking and choosing is a good thing, but also bad as things get distorted and diluted, and you lose some depth of understanding.

I have a robe which I wear when I want to be outside and it’s too cold, or when I want to feel like a Jedi. And I have some ‘pagan bling’: putting it on helps the process of tapping into the unconscious and the subconscious when doing workings. I have to have proper intention and preparation to be ready. Most rituals are not that important to me, except in the sense of the community gathering together and supporting each other; sharing food and time together around a fire. Having connection with people. When I see camps and other events come together, I look and see what’s been achieved, and how everyone comes together and makes it happen. They’re the moments. Everything else is secondary.

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