The story of Persephone is a classic Greek tale of love, loss, abduction and pomegranates. However, like all classic stories, the tale usually benefits from the replacing of ancient imagery with that which is relevant to the modern audience. With this in mind, here is a modern re-telling of the classic story found within the wonders of the internet (and now I can’t remember where…):
Persephone happens to be the P.H.A.T (pretty hot and tempting) Goddess on the block that every guy-god wants. Only she can’t get no lovin’ from any of the guy-gods who sends her gifts because her too-damn-strict-momma keeps tellin’ them boys no and sendin’ them presents back
So it’s startin’ to look like poor Persephone will be a lonely little maid forever
Hades—*knock our knickers off* bad boy– does what bad boys do best—break all the damn rules!
Now Hades happens to be the dark, forbidden, and ever-so-sexy-your-momma-warned-you-about-hottie in this story. And this bad boy falls in love with Persephone, decides he wants her and then kidnaps the little miss because of it. In short, her mother, Demeter is flippin’ completely out because her daughter is missing, and after raising so much noise, the God of the Sun Helios finally gives up what Hades did.
So the pissed off momma sends a guy-god named Hermes to snatch her baby girl back. With fingers crossed, Demeter waits…in fact she waits for so long and grieves so bad that the brakes are thrown on the seasons.
Anyway, if you’re thinking Hermes is going to swoop in, rescue Persephone like the knight in shining armor, kick yourself now because that doesn’t happen. For once, the dark, forbidden, and ever-so-sexy-your-momma-warned-you-about-hottie Hades wins and plans ahead for all the family drama to come.
You see, while his beloved Persephone is with him in the ever-so-fab-Underworld, he gets her to eat an enchanted pomegranate. And the seeds of this fabulous fruit is what kicks it all into motion and forces the Fates to back Hades and give him what he wants so that the other Gods can’t to a damn thing about it… well, sort of….
When it all comes down to it, Hades does have to give up his Persephone but not forever. You see, Persephone may have to go back to her mother but only for a few months out of the year and because of those fabulous seeds, he has the rights to do it.
So when Persephone returns to the Land of the Living…so comes Spring. And when she goes back to the Underworld to have her socks rocked off by Hades, so comes winter for us.
So, there you go, a classic Greek tragedy told for the modern audience. What?!, you preferred the original? In Greek? Dang, I’m not doing that, it’s got all triangles in it… yes, I’m being shapist, so sue me ;p